An Almost Job

Brief update.

B is in Maine..far away. We've been doing pretty well thus far.

A day after he left, the dark day turned into a bright one. I had an interview. I am currently "trying out" for the job. Or at least that's what I'm calling it.

Its a marketing/advertising agency. It's exactly what I think I want to do with my life. I've been there 2 days so far. It's pretty awesome.

Note: I need to figure out how the heck to use Photoshop. Oi vey.

I have every intention and motivation to load pictures and write here tomorrow. I think with the slow of uncertainty will come more time for me to reflect, less to complain about and more pictures to share.

To tomorrow.

Boating in style.

I'm looking forward to this.
And relaxation with B. On a boat, watching the sunset..relishing the moment

I'm really excited for the opportunity he has in front of him. Granted I haven't had the best way of showing it.

That's also changing. I am so proud of him. He'll do great. I'll miss him but it'll all be worth it.

Again I've been totally lame with the updates. However, I do have some nice pictures from a little road trip B and I took yesterday. I was all excited to see the sunflowers at this semi local ice cream place about 30 minutes away. Unfortunately, the sunflower season is OVER and I missed the beautiful yellow faces looking back at me.

Next year. B promised. We took quite a few pictures of the empty sunflower field. But the sunset was gorgeous. Can't wait till next year.

Meanwhile things have been a little crazy around here. I finally equated my feelings to a simple image.

Anyone read or watch Alice in Wonderland?

I feel like this.

Everything's spinning around me. Unable to get a foothold I have been grasping at everything around me. Frankly, quite desperately. I have never not been in school. I have never not had a title to identify with. My world is changing and I have feared it.

I think, my mind, it's changing.

I realized the other day I am facing an amazing opportunity. I can rediscover myself.

I think I am going to embrace it.

New Inspiration

So it's been more than a month since I have last posted. When I began this blog I sort of pledged that I would try to make observations about life and be interesting.

I need to get back on that wagon. With that said I have purchased a new camera and plan on trying to post a few days a week with a photograph. I'm intensely interested in venturing down the path of photojournalism.

I feel that this is my opportunity. So, with that said I will leave you with a photograph from my recent trip to Massachusetts. I'm planning on carrying a camera with me more often and really taking advantage of the world around me.

Cheers.
When I first took the photograph I was intending on just taking advantage of my micro focus on my new camera. I just got a Pentax X70. It's pretty incredible.

I then saw the ant in the photograph and it began an entirely new thought process for me. I need to begin focusing on the details..not just the overall picture. Because, as is evident with the ant, details might just make something memorable. It's my intent to do that.

More pictures tomorrow. Have a good night.

brief update

Victor has died. That's my volvo for all of you that didn't realize it.

He's being reincarnated into a race car by my mechanic. No, I'm not getting behind the wheel. But I know he'll be happy, considering his favorite speed was 80.

Sally is my ride now. She's doing a good job so far.

In other news...I really hate getting paid bi-weekly. My account seems to be suffering due to the lack of replenishing funds. All in the wake of car fiasco and long awaited vacation.

Speaking of the vacation. Boston was fabulous. I wish I could live up there. I would totally not have to have my gym membership and would be happy all of the day walking -- walking -- walking. It was fantastic. B and I really needed to get away from everything.

I've realized the impact of stress on a relationship. It's not a healthy affect. I'm so glad we went. Solidified many things.

Dear Boston,
Offer me a job. I'll be a great addition in a nice apartment. I won't liter, I'll walk Grace in the park every day.
So, talk to a PR agency..tell em to hire me.
Love, Tia

With that being said, I continue to play the waiting game. I'm really hoping the Conn College position will work out for me. Literally 10 min from home, good experience and something with stability and new offerings.

Crossing my fingers.

Random Thoughts-

• I'm tired of hearing about Jon and Kate..really even the news, like CNN, is headlining it. LAME
• Hillary Clinton broke her elbow. Then you hear about the new candidate for the Supreme court Sonya Sotomayor breaks her ankle. The announcement on the news while I was pedaling away at the gym was about women's risk of osteoporosis. Okay, they needed to make a story out of it. Yes, they are older women, most likely past menopause so they could indeed be experiencing osteoporosis. How about a segment on being careful when falling. Cause that's what both these women did.
  
• Statistically the home, specifically the bathroom, is the site for most personal injury. Hillary fell down the stairs..if I'm correct...at work.. it was once her home..right?
  
• My favorite web page ever, No Caption Needed, is celebrating it's 2nd birthday. If you haven't already, CHECK IT OUT. Rhetorical, social commentary on the worlds happenings.

That's it for now...any readers out there? Hit me with some philosophical questions..something I can ponder over. I'll definitely post my thoughts.

Victor the Volvo

So I'm not one of those savvy people who know how to deal with a broken car. Boy did I have a day to learn today.

There I am, jamming out to a song on the radio. Probably lame, but I was jamming out anyways. I was sitting at a stop light on the bottom of a pretty busy hill. When the light turns green I hit my gas pedal.

Nothing.

I try again. Still...nothing... Uh-oh. I then realize that my car is no longer on. The song I was jamming out to was dronning out the silence that was my cars engine. I try the ignition, thinking maybe..it stalled? (I knew it would be bad if an automatic stalled..but I had hope) Still nothing.

I quickly hit my emergency lights, and cruised to the side of the road, just enough momentum to get me to the abandoned parking lot of an old deli. I put my car in park and try to start it again. It makes the "i really want to start noise" but still nothing.

I panic. Because that's what I do when anything happens with my car. Cars remind me of my Dad. If I have to think about a car, I then have the urge to call him. And for obvious reasons, I can't. This is in addition to the onslaught on Father's day stuff I saw today. So I start to get panicky.

I call B, B says he'll come to get me. I call AAA and they are sending a tow truck. I call my mom. Probably give her a heart attack. The woman who answers the phone won't page her because she's in a meeting. I claim "it's an emergency" hoping she'll just page her. No, she didn't page her, she finds her and says "Your daughter is on the phone. She says it's an emergency"

Anyhoo. Apparently Victor had either sprung an oil leak, or ate all of his oil. I think..I might have come close, but not too close to seizing the engine. Either way, it wouldn't start.

Victor's at the doctor. I am hoping that he will be okay. Really hoping.

Bye bye un-needed, but really desired Macbook. Hello car repairs!

Thats it for now. I think I'm going to write something more insightful tomorrow.

Okay..call me lame

Okay....so I seem to be kind of horrible at keeping this updated. It's not for lack of wanting to. I suppose it's based more on my lack of inspirational things. My daily routine is incredibly boring. In fact it usually entails...well...nothing.

I wake up, let the dogs out.
Feed the dogs.
Lay in bed a little longer, because although puppy thinks 545 am is a great time to greet the day..I frankly prefer...say...7 or 8.
Get up, eat something..preferably a healthy option. The big debate..toast with peanut butter or with marmalade?
Go to the gym.
Spend a lot of time at the gym.
Come home. Maybe eat. Shower and hang around until B is available or my mom arrives home.

Throw in the obligatory book reading. Working a few hours 2 days a week. And that's about it.

My weekends tend to be better. I mix in 9 hours of work each day with socializing time in the evening.

As must be obvious..my job hunting is going just as everyone else who's looking for a job hunt is...slow.

Seeing as I have spent quite a bit of time at the gym I have a comment to make about the most current entry at No Caption Needed. (my fav site ever)

They show a picture which at first glance appears to be a print of the same woman, twice. In reality it's two women from a FL based Cheer squad for a pro sports team. The author of the blog emphasizes that the women are not the same, yet they look so, because of societal standards. Slim figure, toned muscles. That they are duplicates of eachother because they are forced to conform.

My opinion: I wish there was more emphasis toward being healthy and not so much on the outward appearance. Quite frankly, I don't care if I don't fit into a US size 8 (which by the way is considered plus size YES PLUS SIZE). I'm working out because I need to be healthier. I do need to lose weight, but not because I need to fit into designer clothes, or feel that my appearance should make who I am. I think there should be stronger support for being healthy. And the first step is to have celebrities emphasize that.

I admire Kate Hudson for this. She had her son and gained like 60 pounds. On her small frame that was a lot, but she took her time losing it. No intense work out sessions starting 7 days after birth, no drastic diets. She took her time, focused on her son rather than on her body. She looks great now.

I'm not sure why I babble about this. I just wish that the girls who don't need to lose weight stop complaining about being fat. And focus on being healthier. Exercise is good for everyone.

Is this Love?

I thought this was sweet.

Couple Meets on Train, Weds On Train


Bryan and I could totally do something like that. But I think for us being near the water is the most important.

I certainly have been lucky.

Wonder and Discover

Yesterday, I graduated.

I realized what kind of impact certain individuals truly have had on me in the short (although it felt long) four years I was an Anchorhead.

Mary, one of many fabulous anthropology professors I was lucky to come into contact with, has been an inspiration. For one, she works with monkeys. Which I think is just fantastic. But the true reason I have enjoyed being in her courses so much was made into a synopsis by her own hand. On NPR there is a program called "This I believe" Although I rarely get the opportunity to listen to it, I always enjoy and feel enlightened by what scholars, non-scholars and average-joes have to say. Mary submitted an essay to the regional NPR program and it was featured on the radio. I didn't get to hear it during the first transmission, but due to the magic on Internet I was able to hear it.

She wrote about how, although educated, she seemingly knows nothing. Point blank, that there is always things to discover and rediscover, everyday. That learning never stops and with that the wonder of discovery.

I guess hearing these words gave me hope. One of the most uncomfortable things about leaving college has been the idea that I would begin the hum drum lifestyle of a working girl. I don't want you to think that I'm ignorant, or have this negative vision of what having a career would look like. But I guess I'm just so accustomed to going to school learning and moving on to a new and exciting subject.

I suppose that was what was so exciting about the chance to go to Costa Rica. Unfortunately I just can't afford it right now. BUT I have learned that I might be able to go in January. SO I'm going to start saving my monies now, and with pennies and nickels and dimes, the thing that would stop me in January would NOT be the lack of funding.

In the end I just want to experience the sense of wonder and excitement. I think I will make it my goal this summer to learn something new everyday, and really take in the experience, but also appreciate it.

I also want to try new things. Place my inhibitions behind me and really experience life.

So I will.

Whats your title?

*But first an addendum to an earlier post regarding the cute old man at my gym. I under estimated his age...he's 85. Another addition to that is he asked the trainer what his family should do if he were to get really sick..or worse...pass away. What a caring man, kind of morbid, but I guess at 85 you have to be ready for anything.*


So in 39 1/2 hours I will be sitting in the quad of my soon to be Alma mater. I will be dressed in a black cap and gown, a white and gold hood and multiple cords in blue, maroon and white. I will be waiting for my name to be called. At which point I will no longer be a college student. I am excited and scared all at the same time. I must admit it's quite an unusual and unwelcoming feeling.

Because. I have yet to find a full time job.

Which leads me to this entry's title...

Today I was asked by my supervisor to write job descriptions for myself and the other attendants. My position is obviously more involved. I schedule. I write. I keep chaos at bay. I have administrative power. But when asked by the lovely HR woman, what my title is..I had to respond with..."I don't know."

How bizarre. I don't know what I am officially. It's kind of like being a kid, waiting for one of the "team captains" to pick you for their kick ball team...am I a Barracuda or a Wolf? I suppose that's a far fetched synonym...but that's truly what it feels like.

Okay enough about work and school. Or lack thereof.

I haven't really read or seen anything as of late that would strike up a good blog commentary. I suppose that leaves me ignorant..although a visit to NYtimes.com or maybe CNN should probably change that.

So I just took a glance at the headlines of CNN and the first thing that popped up was American Pop-culture. The Jon and Kate melodrama. Jon has been accused of cheating. Kate goes and interviews with a late night talk show. She has an expose published in People. As the lead story.

Let us not forget that they have 8 children at home. Impressionable, innocent children. The thing that sickens me is the behavior of not just the media, but of Kate herself. She has been a very driven business woman. Striving to use her life experience in a positive way, writing a non-fiction book about her family and a children's book featuring the kids. However, in all the most recent events I think her decorum has been disgusting. With 8 children at home, the response to allegations should have been handled in the way Jon has. A simple statement focused on the family and feeling remorse for actions that may have altered his family's life. He hasn't interviewed, or done an expose with a feature US celebrity magazine. He made it clear that his focus was on his family.

The media is as just to blame for the situation. Berating Kate with questions, pushing her limits in order for her to respond. BUT REALLY! Let's exploit everything that is sacred in a marriage, in a family, exploiting what little the kids have left to grasp onto. I didn't realize she was so hungry for the status of "Celebrity"

How far is too far? Media should respect the lives of any celebrity, but to a certain degree advertising your family's issues won't make the media go away, it makes them flock.

Maybe I'm wrong in judging someone's life. Maybe if I were in her shoes I would do the same thing. This whole situation reminds me of the Clinton-Lewinski situation. Bill denied having "sexual" relations with that woman. Maybe he should have stated that it was a trying time in his marraige and personal life, that it would not affect him politically, and it was something he and Hillary needed to deal with within their marraige.

Maybe our fascination needs to cool down. Allow the two of them to focus on their marraige, the kids and ultimatly their family.

Okay enough about that. Next post will be on a legitimate news story..maybe political..maybe human interest.

Pandemics, Random Thoughts and Handshakes

So this swine flew epidemic is something that the entire world is concerned about. Its good to see the concern and actions taken by international governments to defend their citizens, prepare them and reassure them that there is something to worry about but its not an ALARM situation.

I heard on the radio yesterday morning that Israeli officials have decided to ban the use of the term "Swine" flu. The Jewish religion considers pigs to be taboo. So rather than use an offensive term, they will call the Swine flu, the Mexican flu.

Is it just me, or is that just as offensive sounding? Granted, I get it. The flu originated in Mexico, therefore it is Mexican. However their reasons to change Swine to Mexican speaks otherwise.

Just an observation.

The last 3 days the temperature has been in the high 80's and 90's. Not common end of April weather. It was nice, but now its 60's and feels cold.

Went clamming yesterday. Probably the most fun I've had getting dirty in a long time. Plus I hung out with a good friend and made homemade new england "chowdah" yum.

In my last post I had mentioned my pet peeve of hand shakes.

I'm one of those people that make a judgment of what kind of person you are within a couple of minutes. I'm not talking about making fun of someone or having some sort of prejudice toward certain people. Basically, I'm really good at reading body language and intent. I think that's a trait I have inherited from my dad. He was a great people person, and a great salesman. He actually cared about his clients and wanted to serve them they way they deserved.

You know how a handshake is suppose to feel. Confident, not too tight, not too loose, just right. You don't want your hand to be crushed but the handshake has become a sign of respect and standing.

Then, there is the fish handshake. Loosy goosey. In fact, sometimes I've gotten the heeby jeebies from a bad handshake. It makes me wonder if they actually care or respect me. In my past I've gotten a couple bad handshakes, and my instinct about how nice that person was (or WASN"T) ended up showing it's truth.

Or, the bone crushing shake of a person with MUCH bigger hand. All you can focus on the entire time your hand is in there, is how much it hurts and when will it stop. Trying to make a business deal, or get a job? Better keep a big smile on your face and nurse your wounds later.

So, keep in mind that people remember your handshake. They may not remember your outfit or what your hair looked like, especially if you gave a bad handshake.

A moment

So I had one of those lovely ah-ha moments today. Except rather than make me feel smarter, it kind of, well, made me feel like a moron.

So a couple weeks ago I applied for a paralegal position in prov. Not the most ideal job that I would look for. Not bad either. I just figured that with my new found spark of interest in law; trying something law like would show me whether or not it was a good idea. So I applied. The detailed description said 50k a year. That's incentive...

How 10 years old of me. "WOW that's a lot of moola...i want to be that!"

I applied. Using this thing called applejobs. Mainly a database for employers to use, to kind of filter out those that don't have what it takes.

They took my info. I got harassed by Univ. of Phoenix for a week and reference forms went out to those individuals I listed. Sweet.

Then I heard nothing. Absolutely nothing. Slightly battered, I moved on and might have potentially found a good starter dream job.

But today I found my assumptions to be false. For whatever reason, while checking my email I saw that my "Spam" folder was quite full. I checked it. Inside were 7 or 8 inquiries for information. From law firms. Looking for paralegals...

Had I almost lost an opportunity? Yes.

Did I possibly save that chance? Maybe.

One person had sent two emails. The initial and then a follow up, informing me, Tia, that they were still interested. Was I?

Maybe..

About 10,000 thoughts started racing through my head. Competitive salary...great benefits...tuition reimbursement(big plus in my mind)....a job....a real job..

Paralegal....lawyer slave...(ok not really, but really)...intense job outside of my immediate experience.

i know I could do it, sounds interesting. Why not?

So i responded to the inquiry message, resent my resume. Now just to wait.

Now, had I just checked my Spam mail a week ago... I geuss the lesson learned is to check; always to check.

Current job situation is hairy. Monday was a surprise lay off. 18 people were let go, their positions eliminated, their lives changed. They were all really good people, who had been there a long time. Gone.

Including my supervisor.

Today I went and met with "the big guy". My new supervisor. I have had interactions with D before. Never unpleasant. This time was suprisingly good. I was nervous going in. Afraid that the words "the program has been eliminated" would come at me. I felt like a small little mouse headed into a lions den.

However, with short stories and lots of good conversation, my program survives. And possibly more good will come out of this than I had originally anticipated.

Sigh.

Also, I told him. I told him that I have had job opportunities presented to me. He seemed understanding. Even gave me a great handshake to congratulate my upcoming graduation. (I will have to write a post about my stigma of handshakes)

Maybe my leaving won't be so difficult. Maybe I can move on to the next phase of my life without tripping.

School is almost done. I have to figure out how to write 2 papers, a 13 page and an 8 page before Tuesday. I shouldn't of procrastinated.

However, if I hadn't it would have ruined my 4 year groove.

7 more class sessions. 2 1/2 more days.

1 exam. 2 papers. 1 assignment. 2 quizes.
And i'm done.


Woah baby.


And when I have a big girl job..I want this little beauty.

Inspiration

I was in the gym...pedaling away on the bike after a rousing 20 minutes on the elliptical.

After about 15 minutes of pedaling to no-where, I looked across the gym and saw this older man, probably in his mid/late 70's, lifting weights in front of the mirror.


If he can do it. I sure can.

Maybe this "reinventing" is really working.

Best Part of Waking Up

I've always really loved where I grew up and still live. The house has been the only place I have known, my neighborhood was AWESOME growing up and overall the cow-town vibe has suited me.

We are not really cow-town, just some people I go to school with seem to think so.
Is it really my fault that it takes them 45 minutes to travel the length of their state. And they never leave it?

Yes, it takes more than 5 minutes to get the a grocery store.

Yes, there are only about 6 stoplights, 1 DD's, 1 McDonald's, a couple restaurants, a couple bars, a small grocery, couple gas stations, etc. You get my drift.

The good parts-low crime, decent schools, lots of friends.

I suppose I can get over driving 10 minutes to get dinner ingredients. In fact I kind of like it.

When I first went to School in Providence it took me a long time to get use to the noise. Sleeping I would constantly be interrupted by sirens, garbage trucks, cars honking. Street lights were a novel thing for me. And my campus is on the outside of downtown. I can't imagine living in downtown. That would have been an adjustment.

I got use to it. Dorm life does that to you.

But I must say, falling asleep to the sounds of crickets and peepers and waking to the sound of birds is great.

This morning?

I was lucky enough to hear the National Anthem played from the local Sub-base. It's a sound I've heard frequently in the morning, and taps I hear at night. Reminding me to relax

"The day is done" and I'm home.

Not sure what I'm going to do if I get the job in Providence. Obviously, move up eventually. But I know I'll miss the charm of the Ferry..

Busy day. More later.

Here I am

So. First blog post.

I feel this is very similar to a job interview. Somehow I must convince myself it's worth writing here on a semi-regular basis. Mostly I need to convince anyone who reads this to come back and read again.

I could bore you all with the about me, however, I will be elusive and leave you all guessing. If you come back again you'll learn more. Instead I will share some other information

Why am I here?

In a sudden burst of inspiration after reading some other peoples very stellar blogs, I decided that quite possibly my life was blog worthy.

But Why?

I'll be graduating college in something like 25 days. That's a little more than 3 weeks. The idea is sending shivers of anticipation and fear up and down my spine. I need to find a job, a purpose, a niche, if you will. My life has been dictated by the scholastic calender for the last 17 years of my life. September-May/June meant school. Classes, papers, readings and projects. I never had to question what my next step was going to be. Until now. May 16 marks the end of my undergraduate career, end of that annoying but extremely comforting schedule that has lulled my fear of change for 17 years. Well the cradles fallen from the tree, and now I'm on my own.

I must say that this new feeling of fear and excitement is intriguing. I've got a potential job opportunity that I'm waiting to apply for, yet I haven't actually applied. I've begun to lay a lot of faith into a job that I haven't even interviewed for. Why?

It feels right. I get this overwhelming sense of composure when I think about it. It's exactly what I want to do. My current job has drowned out my sense of creativity and motivation in a way that has belittled the accomplishments I have achieved. I'll have two degrees in 25 days. The potential job actually utilizes one of them. In a new and exciting fashion, one that allows room for growth and learning. Something I have lacked outside of my academic self for quite some time.

Don't get me wrong. The last 6 years at the current job have been wonderful. I've made great friends, gained confidence in myself and received many experiences that could only benefit me as a person. My need to leave lies in the fact that I have begun to feel stifled. I have also started to harbor bitter feelings toward a place that has always given me strength and solace; even when I felt the world was against me.

Sometimes it's better to walk away, before you'd rather run.

So I guess that's it for now. There are a lot of changes in my life yet I'm attempting to grab them and relish in the experience. The road will be rough, but I know I can do it.

I'm taking control over my own destiny.

Hence the blogs title. Emily Dickinson summed it up well. It's better to be the hammer than to be the anvil. Be the striking force in life. Don't be the one to be hit.